is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
