I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
