If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
