I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Drake has all the answers
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
