beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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