Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
