chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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