Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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