I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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