I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
