Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
