his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
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let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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