I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
