When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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