At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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