Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
