You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
