You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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