i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
