Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We talked him into tasing himself.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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