I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
