they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
