I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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