The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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