we're blogging at a bar
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
