Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
