the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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