So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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