I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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