I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think I am morally bankrupt
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
