elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
