His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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