just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
