Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
