sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
