don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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