Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My dick has a subreddit
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
