think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
