shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
