how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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