I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
