I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
