Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
