I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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