you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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