Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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