is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
