Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
