i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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