I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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