Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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