I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
