I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize