I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
