Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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