That's intense
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
