so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
