I'm going to rape someone's good day.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
