Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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