If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
