I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
