this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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