i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
