chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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