She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
