shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
