she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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