I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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