you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
