smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize